I didn’t proofread this article… this is just some random thoughts that are giving me headache and i wanted to write about it.. so just disregard any spelling, structural, and/or grammar mistakes.. thanks
Bismillah,
A friend of mine, one of the youth to be exact who junior in highschool, came to me one time with a super sad face telling me how his “so to be wife” just left him. I tried to get more information from him on what does he mean “so to be wife” and he told me this story….
A sister sent him a msg on facebook asking him if he was so and so from this area of town. A random question that is innocent and clearly has no bad intention behind it. Little that this brother knew, a waste of 2 years of his life and a massive emotional destruction is about to happen to him.
Long story short, they talked, they exchanged phone numbers, emails, chatted, and even exchanged gifts…. then after a few months of this beautiful innocent relationship something happened and she left him.
The young man freaks out, he totally feels like crap and basically lost interest in almost everything that he is doing…until he spoke to me. After about 1 year of talking and listening to him, his feelings starts to fade away… and now he is over her alhamdulillah. 
The question arises here though…. what the hell was this sister thinking about when she msged him? I can totally see that a guy (being the dumb person that he is) IM’ing a girl or msging her… but for a girl, a pious girl I must add, to do that is beyond me.
Another story of a brother who IM’ed me on gtalk and was like, Br. Haytham, I am proposing tomorrow any thoughts? I was like … soon inshaAllah you will join The Rejected Muslim Brothers Association which I have established for brothers who propose and get rejected (jokingly of course) and he assured me that this will never happen to him. I asked about his source of assurance and he told me… She msged me on Facebook after she saw me in an Islamic event and we talked ever since then. I asked him, does she like you back? he said yes. I said why dont you ask her first and see if she is cool with you proposing now, I mean after all you are freaking 17 man? He agreed and he talked to her and she said NO.. she want somebody better than him.
I was like what the heck is your problem sisters? Why are you msging our brothers “not just any of them, the good ones, the ones who are “wana be” pious and on the right track” and sidetracking them from where they want to go??
A few weeks ago, i heard the term…. “ama pull a khadija style proposal” and I was shocked. How can you “pull a khadija style” if you are as ignorant as you can get about the whole proposal of Khadijah (RA) to the prophet :saw:? She didnt send him secret messages, she didnt talk to him about how pious he is or how trustworthy he is, she didnt approach him directly, she talk to him at all actaully. She sent her maid (slave girl actually) to ask him why isnt he married yet and then she talked to her wali who talked to his uncle and his uncle approach him.
The shaytan is pulling tricks on us left and right and our sisters are falling for it like a beautiful flower falling in a lake of dirt. Not only that, by they are taking our good brothers with them.. this isnt right and somebody need to talk about this..
The shiyook need to learn about such social websites like FB and my hell i mean my space and different chatting programs like gtalk and AIM so they can relate to our youth and counsel them. Meanwhile, if you have a younger brother or a younger sister.. talk to them about this stuff and cautious them from such traps of the shaytan..
Finally, the prophet :saw: said… “I didnt leave behind me a greater fitna on my ummah worse that women” I tried to understand this hadith and I tried to read different article about it.. but i never really truly understood it until I was faced with situations where women are truly a fitna to us men. Not just from a sexual point of view (tho this is a great fitna in it by itself) but also from an emotional point of view.
September 18, 2008 at 5:11 am
Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem
Assalaamu ʿalaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuh
By reading your article I couldn’t help but to think you have something against sisters. Not only this time but I remember reading your signature on some website I won’t mention and that gave me the assumption of you getting rejected by a sister. If that’s the case I am sorry my brother, don’t give up.
I know we are fitna to men but men are also fitna to women so it goes both ways my Masri brother.
Now about this article here, what makes you think these brothers werent the ones that tracked down these sisters and not the other way around? How can you be so sure unless they showed you the email the sisters sent. I totally agree with you when you say you shouldn’t go and propose to guy because most of us come from a culture that doesn’t allow that.
I myself wouldn’t go and ask a brother to marry me. Now my father died and I have no family in the US other than some relatives but I still wouldn’t do it (because it’s not common in my culture and plus I hate being rejected so I make dua instead).
I hope you don’t think I am attacking you. I am not I am just trying to make a point here. Insha’Allah you understand me and I hope you’ll forgive me if I said anything wrong here.
BTW I just realized your signature on the website is gone
Wassalam,
Your Sister In Islam
Basma
September 18, 2008 at 9:16 am
Wassalam,
I have to go to class in a few so I will type this up quickly..
First.. Jazaki Allahu khayran for your post… second, alhamdulillah I was never rejected by any sister walhamdulillah
these posts are simply for education and amusement (generally speaking)
No doubt that men can be fitna to women too.. but it is not any close to the fitna of women to men. My daleel is the hadith of the prophet :saw: that I stated above. To solve this problem, I think that young men and women should get married early in their age (given of course that they have their parents consent and approval)
I can be sure that it happened this way (the sisters tackled down theses two brothers) because of so many reasons, first of them all is that I trust them. Second is there is no reasons for them to lie to me, their is if you have seen their emotional state you would know for a fact that they wouldnt lie at least not at the moment at least not to me.
But regardless though, are you going to stand here and tell me that there is NO sister that came to NO brother and talked him in to talking to her and loving her? What about the story of Yousuf with the wife of the minster? Should I bring more examples????
I am not talking about the culture and how appropriate or inappropriate is it for a girl to propose to a guy.. that isnt the point. Again, Khadija (RA) did “indirectly and through her maid and wali” propose to the prophet :saw: So the point here isnt “How dare he propose to a guy” but the point is “How did she propose to the guy”… make sense?!!!
I have no ounce of doubt that you are not attacking me at all… i appreciate your comment .. and I hope i clarified myself more..
PS. I love my sisters in Islam. I have said this on public forums and alhamdulillah my actions speak louder than my words… just ask about me in houston and inshaAllah you will know what I mean.
PSS. Yup, the signature is gone .. ha… Alhamdulillah.
September 18, 2008 at 9:26 am
o .. and if you want to hear the story of Khadija (RA) you can go to http://www.texasdawah.org and then click on downloads and then download “The House of Khadija” by Yasir Qadhi…
Good lecture .. mashaAllah
September 18, 2008 at 9:46 am
how cliche now though that sisters regularly get offended at these kind of posts..
really it’s getting cliche.
that’s why i suggested to haytham he write about “the Double standard of Muslim guys” which will be amongst his next posts insha’aAllah
So we can have
a) husn adh dhunn – good suspicion in the advice and criticisms
b) thinking with a sound mind at the content
even if Haytham’s way of elucidating and getting his point across is “unique.”
-)
The basic jist of what you said haytham -.. awesome post.
The way it came out. Come on man use spell check at least! haha
<3
September 18, 2008 at 10:03 am
I am not getting offended Abdulhasib. I am just trying to make my brother Haytham understand something, that’s all.
Now Haytham, I never said sisters don’t go and propose to guys, as weird as that sounds, we do and it’s not normal but we do. Some sisters might get upset with me but it’s ok. Now why does every brother bring up the story of Yusuf and the wife of the minister.
Now come on and do what Abdulhasib said and write about “the Double standard of Muslim guys” soon insha’Allah.
September 18, 2008 at 10:08 am
sabran sabran… coming soon inshaAllah… check out the coming soon section … http://haytham.wordpress.com/upcoming-posts/
September 18, 2008 at 10:26 am
Haytham hates women. That’s why he moved closer to California.
September 18, 2008 at 10:40 am
I am sure Haytham doesn’t hate us Danish.
September 18, 2008 at 11:22 am
I agree with your post, and I definitely think you were on point. But I have to also agree that it goes both ways. I think you’re focusing too much on saying “Why are sisters doing this?” and completely being blinded that perhaps even guys do it more.
I teach youth girls a lot of the time, and I know that this is something they would have no problem doing (hence the need for directing them along the right way). And it is a problem.
I used to get soo upset when I saw a brother have a facebook account and have girls added as friends. But then I think in the process I jumped to conclusions as to the character of the person, because some people truly use it for sincere purposes (like marketing, pr work, networking with professionals, etc)
I agree that sheiookh should know about these type of things and perhaps include these lessons in their lectures to youth, because it happens to almost all of them.
It’s not surprising to me to see pious sisters doing it, because what could be an innocent intention from the beginning, could turn into the footsteps of shaytaan and could lead to much more. Sure everyone’s responsible for their own actions… but that doesnt mean that from the beginning the sister’s intentions were wrong.. it could just be that unfortunately she got led into that path.
The sister who talked to the brother for so and had no intention of marrying him… THAT i do not understand.
Wallahul musta’an.
September 18, 2008 at 11:37 am
Aslamulaykum
HAHAHAHhaha man this is one of the best post’s ive ever read since i’ve seen things like this actually happen before. Great post Haytham
September 18, 2008 at 11:48 am
@ Danish S. you know thats not true… My sisters in islam are as close to me as my biological sisters (well.. if I had one)
@ Shiren… this post was directed towards sisters who do this.. so normally it focused on them more than guys… inshaAllah soon I will post my opinion about what guys do.. and you will see a more clear image in the mind of a single teenage guy.. inshaAllah
Just make dua that Allah puts barakah in my time.. its getting rough with school and all ..
@ Hazfighter … lolol… i am glad you liked it..
September 18, 2008 at 11:52 am
just to clarify that’s Danish S. from Memphis…..not haytham’s boyfriend danish H. from houston
September 18, 2008 at 11:52 am
haha.. Allahu Al mustan… Ya Hindy you have some serious issues.. gotta set up an appointment with the psychologist at the shifa clinic by synott masjid.. i hear he is good.. maybe..just maybe all this homo tendencies that you have would disappear ..
jk
September 18, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Salaam,
What if a sister proposes to you on facebook brother haytham? Would you even give it a second thought, or dismiss her as if she is some second rate girl off the street; Just as you have made them all to be in your post.
This is pathetic, why are people even posting about Marriage in Ramadan. Calm your horses, go read quran and pray…
May Allah find you a nice facebook niqabi…
September 18, 2008 at 12:22 pm
My offer is still pending Haytham. If you take what you said back, I’ll find you a good religious sister
. Does she have to be a niqabi?:)
September 18, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Danish H….weren’t the initials enough? You always ruin the fun
September 18, 2008 at 12:36 pm
My wife proposed to me through email, we had two meetings, and were married two months later, alhamdulillaah.
I’m not so FOB’ed out that I get offended (actually, quite flattered
) that a sister (now my wife) proposed to me.
Siraaj
September 18, 2008 at 12:42 pm
LOL @ Fob’ed out …
i donno if this was directed to me.. or not..
but i can tell you that i have no problem with sisters proposing to brothers… but there are some etiquette that need to be followed.. thats all what i am saying..
I donno how old were you or her when she did that.. but if a 17 years old sisters is IMing a 19 years old brother.. i highly doubt that its the right way of approaching this issue…
It might have worked for you..mashaAllah.. may Allah bless your family… ameen…. but it doesnt work for lots of the younger, less experienced, less islamic educated, and less wise generation …
September 18, 2008 at 12:47 pm
It takes 2 to Tango.
September 18, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Lol @ FOB’ed… Is this term used on for desis. Can we Arabs use it for Arabs?
September 18, 2008 at 1:16 pm
@ Observer…. It sure does… check out the up coming posts link on the top of this page
September 18, 2008 at 1:26 pm
The topic of marriage is always looked down upon. Everywhere I go.
“Why are we talking about this?”
“Why do sisters do this?”
“Why do brothers do this?”
If you can’t read Haytham’s posts with logic and reason, then don’t bother to respond. If you don’t like what he’s talking about, don’t bother to respond.
Haytham was not assuming anything. He clearly made observations and addressed them specifically.
The truth is these things do, unfortunately happen. This doesn’t mean Haytham is generalizing or amassing all sisters into one category.
Haytham is simply trying to approach the problem with a solution, he’s not just flaunting his opinion, he’s trying to figure out a way to solve the specific conflict.
First of all, what is the purpose behind messaging someone on Facebook? Firstly you have walls (which are already pretty fitnah-fied mind you). But if someone sends a MESSAGE on Facebook, the situation becomes private because it’s not public anymore.
It’s turned into a 1 on 1 conversation, just over the internet.
Shaytan starts to play tricks and makes people overanalyze everything at this point. Why is she messaging me? What does she want? Why would she ask me this?
For this reason, avoidance is the best possible route. For two unmarried people to be engaged in some form of communication where it is private, this is where a problem arises.
Don’t get me wrong, Facebook is a great social tool to stay in touch with people you’ve known, but with it comes a certain responsibility, as does with everything.
Don’t simply assume that because a sister has befriended men on Facebook, or vice versa with a male, means these people have no haya or fear of Allah.
I find it amusing how people can instantly judge a mentality when it hits their soft spot rather than stick with 70 excuses. It literally just boggles my mind.
And if you don’t have anything positive to say and stick to reckless comments, just don’t say anything, simple as that.
And Allah knows best.
September 18, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Salaam
Bro i read your post and subhanallah i couldn’t help but feel so sad by what i felt towards those two muslim kids. Even though you didn’t clarify what you were trying to say by saying it was the sisters fault, i think the point was that these young muslim men, who face this incredible fitnah from non-muslim girls who are inviting them to have sexual relations (they don’t even need to hit on them) are also faced with an emotional risk of trying to get married the halaal way.
Being religious in America is hard. But when we go and seek the halal and the girls or the parents play with us then this is down right betrayal. Why do i have to go through the hell of avoiding non-mahram girls? Constantly denying them and their sexual advances even though my Nafs is screaming for it? Did i forget to mention the extreme alienation and constant ridicule you get for turning down a girl’s sexual request?
THEN….these young pious muslim brothers seek the halaal and they get slapped in their face. Either the girl plays around with him for a couple of months and whenever she feels bored she just leaves, or the parents give him hell until he has to leave.
So what happens after this? Now the haraam and the halaal is forbidden for you? What do you think happens next? The only thing that comes to these young people’s mind’s is Shaytaan and a bitter feeling of betrayal. As a result……they don’t see a point in torturing themselves by waiting for this so called Muslimah Angel, because this same angel was the one who not only stole his heart, but she took his Iman along with it.
Yes….they stop becoming religious….and May Allah protect us.
You may reply back saying this is a test and that Allah doesn’t over burden people, but you need to understand that YOU have an affect on other people, and you can lead or midguide people just from your actions (IM’in a brother on facebook). So fear Allah, because wallahy if one were to sit and study how her behavior can have such a severe consequence on a brother’s Iman, then you would never leave your house out of fear of causing him a fitnah. This paragraph was directed towards the sisters.
Wallahu 3lam
September 18, 2008 at 2:09 pm
[...] reading Mr. Haytham Al Mexicoee’s recent blog post about how some sisters entice guys on the internet, I think this fatwa should definitely serve as a [...]
September 18, 2008 at 2:11 pm
How can yall write so much…god!
Make yourself useful and read Quran.
Interesting article though.
September 18, 2008 at 2:21 pm
No one learns for free. He got himself in a mess, got his heart broken, he should get up and pick up the pieces and move on.
Much easier said than done.
Now that he is aware of the consequences, he will be very careful in the future. He had to learn the hard way.
That’s life!
September 18, 2008 at 2:25 pm
@ tamer……wow.
September 18, 2008 at 2:49 pm
looks like you hit a spot with this post. im considering elaborating on this on my blog, but people might just think i think about marriage too much.. earlier this month i wrote one about bad marriage proposals, after which a brother made a fatwah sisters should write on the internet without a mahram. lol.. so i dont know if going with another marriage topic right now is best for egyptian gumbo
. But you did give me some good ideas for future topics. Barak Allahu feek.
September 18, 2008 at 2:52 pm
@ Shirien, just today i had over 400 hits so far (and its like 3PM Mountain time) so yea.. i think for an unknown blog like mine to have such number of hits …i hit a spot indeed..
I think you should talk about this issue in your blog .. awareness must be raised .. solutions must be suggested… and over all.. dawah must be given..
As for future topics… i have a few myself too.. so i guess I will keep watching your blog so i wont overlap inshaAllah..
September 18, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Haytham,
I received my marriage proposal email at the age of 25, while my wife at the time was 18 (although, to be fair, she turned 19 three weeks later).
Basma
FOB’ed out is usable for any race.
Siraaj
September 18, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Salaam,
I think many bloggers blog just to get comments on their posts rather than actually make a difference.
September 18, 2008 at 3:29 pm
^^ this is soo off topic man…lol..
@ Siraaj… mashaAllah
September 18, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Akhi aboo Saleem (or ibnhyderbadee), did you verify that fatwah before you posted it?
because I did a little research and I found something quite different. Perhaps you want to check it out on my blog (just click my name above)
September 18, 2008 at 4:28 pm
my bad, aboo saleem and ibngyderbadee arent the same person. no hard feelings to either of you by the way
September 18, 2008 at 7:23 pm
@ Basma LOL!
“….and that gave me the assumption of you getting rejected by a sister. If that’s the case I am sorry my brother, don’t give up.”
THAT WAS HILARIOUS!
@ Abdul Hasib
“The way it came out. Come on man use spell check at least! haha”
DITTO!
@ Siraaj
YOU ARE A FIDEEHA!
@ Haytham
WOW! bro you got da sisters defending your stance, when its dissing there own kind….
this can mean allot of things….that i wont discuss…
oh yeah P.S.
“…the young man freaks out, he totally feels like crap and basically lost interest in almost everything that he is doing…until he spoke to me….”
idk dude that sounds kinda AIR HEAD’ish to me……
PPS. ya ahl of this blog….GO STUDY! I promise you have a better chance of getting married to the person you want that way….and stop making excuses for rejection brothers! Im not talking about these two young boys …but to the elders who are almost in there thirtys who cant even finish getting a degree…..YOU EXPECT PARENTS TO AGREE ON YOU?…Education symbolizes much more than a diploma and money….but it shows dedication and persistence….and if you seem like your on and off with things ….thats a headache they dont need to worry about….
INna Allah la yathlim Anas shay’an wa lakin anas ‘anfusahum yathlemoon!
ITS YOUR FAULT AND NO ONE ELSES….BE A MAN!
-Wassalam
September 18, 2008 at 7:51 pm
woOow… take it easy there … take a deep breath and inshaAllah you will feel a little better…
For some reason it seems like i disagree with almost everything you said in ur comment..
@ your reply to Basmah… that was not funny at all
@ your reply to Abdulhasib… man.. it wasnt even that bad
@ your reply to Siraaj … find somebody to translate this word for you man.. I aint doing it. lol
@ Your comment to me… well.. let it mean whatever it suppose to mean
@ Your PS… I am not being airhead-ish.. I am stating facts. Stop trying to read in to it so much.
@ Your PSS. Degrees arent everything. People need to realize that. If they dont, thats cool.. no worries inshaAllah.. they have the right to their opinion
September 18, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Hahaha… I won’t say anything else or people will think I have something against Haytham
September 18, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Basma! go for it!
September 18, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I rather not Tushmit. I am not in the mood for another brother to get upset with me for no reason. I am a peace loving Muslimah.
September 18, 2008 at 9:55 pm
its not about you upsetting the brother.. its whether you are saying whats making sense or not…
You attacked the brother personally where he was simply making a point.
You might not like what he said, which is fine, but you cant attack the brother like that … that was not right.
I like Sr. Anima’s reply, maybe you want to re-read it again before you post again.
masalamah
Samirah
PS. we are all peace loving muslimahs but we just need to learn how to communicate
September 18, 2008 at 10:09 pm
I didn’t attack anyone fyi samirah. And since when are you his lawyer?
September 18, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I don’t need you to teach me how to communicate sister. You don’t even know me so you need to relax.
September 18, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Haytham bro… it’s all good alhamdulilah, keep doing your thing akhi. As far the the rejected guys group, you can jot my name down. Man it sucks but Alhamdulilah I’m happy it did looking back at it now, indeed Allah is the best of planners.
I will say this about guys though, sometimes they just wanna get married so badly that they don’t take important factors into account when choosing a sister, and then they’ll usually blame the sister lol.
September 18, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Wow this is really good but scary at the same time reading some of these comments. I urge you people be nice to one another. It’s ramadan and there is no need to get heated over this post.
Brother Haytham masha Allah good job. Keep it up brother, your doing a great job. I feel bad for those brothers though. I am sure they learned from their mistakes and won’t repeat the mistakes they did again. I’ll keep you all in my duas.
September 19, 2008 at 12:04 am
The Anima is a sister???
I thought that was Raheel #2??
September 19, 2008 at 12:31 am
@ Basmah.. I am relaxed.. I was just trying to help.. didnt mean to offend you…
anyway just take it easy on the guy… thats all i am saying.. and i dont have to be his lawyer to say that.. i am just a concerned sister thats all.
September 19, 2008 at 1:00 am
I still think Haytham likes fitnah
September 19, 2008 at 1:29 am
what did i do man..
September 19, 2008 at 2:25 am
@ all of the above… <– Bloggers have no lives.
September 19, 2008 at 3:46 am
I think from now on anyone that decided to post should think before they do so.
Rejection happens on both sides, its a part of life. Not everyone is going to think your a ‘catch’. But at the end of the day its all about being confident in yourself and trying again.
Brothers need to smarten up when it comes to apporaching sisters for Marriage.
Its sad to say but a Sister will mostly not except your proposal if you do any of these 4 things:
-Chat her up, while chatting up another sister.
-Ask for her hand, than try to propose to her friend<<she will mostly reject you.
-claim to be something your not, this might come as shock but sisters talk wayy too much for their own good, and mostly likely if your trying to pull a fast one on them, they will find out eventually
-Sister prefer not to be apporoached after Jum’ah prayer where the whole congregation and the watchful eyes of the aunties are on her and you.(You will probably get rejected due to the fact she just wants to get way from being add to the Gossip train)
-the one thing sisters can’t stand is the “I have asked around about you line, i heard your this and that.” 1st ask if we wish to get married before you start to bulid me as something i’m not.
September 19, 2008 at 6:02 am
@ Rizwan. Marry me? =)
Yes it’s me, LOL.
September 19, 2008 at 7:13 am
I can’t believe there are over 50 comments about this post. Masha’Allah Haytham you sure know how to make people talk
September 19, 2008 at 2:24 pm
La hawla wa la qowata ella billah
September 19, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Asalam Aley’kum
wow this was an interesting read…
i dont usually follow up on blogs but urs seems to be quite interesting
can you write an article on Ramadan, if you have the time inshallah
September 19, 2008 at 4:14 pm
lol hehe this made my day walaah!
September 19, 2008 at 4:35 pm
It is really hard to find good muslim brothers these days. But i would never approach them directly, Subhana’Allah that is not me. It is tough these days for the muslim youth May Allah Subhana Wa Taala Make it easy on us
September 19, 2008 at 8:15 pm
whoaa (the comments!) subhanAllah
I second what Anima said… I can’t be bothered to read more right now
and to reiterate the point Br. Haytham made: “So the point here isnt “How dare she propose to a guy” but the point is “How did she propose to the guy”… make sense?!!!”
September 19, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Haytham is looking to get married lol
September 19, 2008 at 11:57 pm
LOL.. thanks for stating the obvious Danish.. tho this post has nothing to do with my wanting to get married … i dont think its helping anyway lol
o vell
September 20, 2008 at 12:55 am
A failed test is not a Character Assessment
All humans go through an initial “education”(1st love encounter)
They now know “not” to get mixed up in these kind of situations.
Now they know how it feels when it goes wrong.
Save up and when you have the resources
“Load your gun”(get ready)
“aim at the target”(find spouse)
and “shoot”(propose)
September 20, 2008 at 1:04 am
No doubt.. that is a true and its a fact..
The question isnt about the first love trial
The question isnt about the fact that they might like somebody
The question is .. what do they do about such feeling…
I believe that our society made it even harder on us (thro peer pressure and other factors like the TV and music) to resist falling in to mistakes like this..
I mean.. come on.. who doesnt want to love and be loved? After all, this Holly-wood star was so romantic.. i just wish i have a husband like him.. or this girl was so hott man.. i wish she was muslim LOL haha
anyway.. i think my point is clear..
September 20, 2008 at 1:33 am
I agree with everything you said 100%. I’ve been seeing this more and more everyday. Its really sad when girls (whom I considered very pious, righteous young women) talk about what this guy said and “oh I saw the comment he left you” and “oh let me check my facebook”. Oh and then they try to justify everything with “we’re gonna get married.” It’s really disgusting, it honestly is. To the point that they actually think you’re being “extreme” when you don’t talk to guys.
Where is the haya? Wallah I’m not sure they even know this word anymore. And if by some miraculous turn of events they do, they make it synonymous with “shy, submissive, i-dont-have-a-mind-of-my-own”.
Also, I think alot of it has to do something with the fact that this magical internet allows you to show your true colors without you having to immediately face the consequences. And if a problem arises, they have more time to deal with it. Many a truth is told in jest. I’m getting off topic so I’ll end that there.
Having said that, I’ll end with this: Allah (SWT) set rules for us to follow, and these rules do not exlude the marriage process. There’s a reason it goes through the girls parents first and not through the girl herself. Of course there are times when unexpected circumstances arise and it really does work out {@ Siraaj mashaAllah-May Allah (SWT) make your marriage a continuous success Ameen). But those are rare and you never know what might happen. People need to remember that Shaytaan has been perfecting his misguidance for almost as long as the earth has been created. I’d say he’s pretty good at his job by now. So just stay on the safe side, make du3a and bi idhnillaah He (SWT) will bless you with pious families.
P.S. Sorry its so long O_O …
September 20, 2008 at 8:09 am
Subhana’Allah I agree with everything you said ME. May Allah reward you with janatul firdous. I have to say the reason why our fellow Muslim sisters are acting this way is because of this environment. I remember back home you never hear about things like sisters talking about brothers out in the open and be comfortable like they are. And yeah facebook is number one fitna of our time. May Allah ta’ala protect us from it. I think the problem is also the way you were raised. If your parents are strict from day one, then you won’t be that way.
September 20, 2008 at 10:29 am
“If your parents are strict from day one, then you won’t be that way.”
uhhh?!….
September 20, 2008 at 10:45 am
You won’t be those the sisters described above.
September 20, 2008 at 11:11 am
umm… i donno if that is really true.. coz some of our parents (in all honesty) dont know how to raise their children.. so this strictness can lead to even more and bigger catastrophes…
The best way is COMMUNICATIONS… if you talk to your children.. then they will listen.. its simple and to the point..
September 20, 2008 at 11:36 am
I wasn’t that way for us. My parents were very strict and we didn’t do anything that we knew would upset them. I agree with some parents not knowing how to raise their kids but everyone of them are trying their best.
Where I come from they don’t just talk they beat
so that really made us scared. My mom would throw anything she had if we didn’t listen. Now please don’t twist my words because I am not saying beat your kids but if it works for you why not 
September 20, 2008 at 11:41 am
I totally see what you are saying..
But you just have to keep in mind that not every parent is as good as your parents were to you.. and also, what worked with you can very will be a disaster for others..
I guess each case is different.. but the bottom line is.. our parents need to be educated on the culture of their children. Meaning, my father grew up in a village outside the city of Mansoura and so did my mother… there is no way they could have learned about things like Facebook or myspace, or even the environment that i went through in highshcool unless they were told about it or they spent some time and effort trying to learn this stuff so that they can protect their children…
Make sense?!
September 20, 2008 at 11:50 am
Totally…. I actually have family from Mansoura so I know exactly what your talking about. Alhumdulilah though for having my mother because she tries really hard. She wants to learn about everything her kids do. So even said she wanted to get facebook jokingly but we told her NO WAY
Sometimes it can have negativity when your parents want to learn about the society we live in, they become very liberal towards everything, and they freak out ones they find out your becoming more religious.
I’ve seen this amongst my desi friends. Not all but majority of the ones I know. Their parents won’t let them wear hijab and for brother grow beard because they think that’s to extreme I mean come on your Muslim. Alhumdulilah my parents will never stand towards my way when it comes to Islam.
September 20, 2008 at 12:30 pm
alhamdulillah.. thats a good thing mashaAllah..
But see.. my aim was to fix or to at least attempt to find a solution to this problem.. who knows..maybe somebody can do somethign about it and save some of our brothers and sisters from such trial..
eah.. o well.. alhamdulillah over all
September 20, 2008 at 12:39 pm
70 comments subhana’Allah.
September 20, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I still got your back Haytham.
All these rabid sisters getting all emotional need to chill.
September 20, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Oh and for the people that keep using the winking smiley, please stop being beysharam (Urdu word for shameless).
September 20, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Have you guys ever pondered this life
One may think what are the preventive measures for these situations
Some may think what Caused this event to happen
What about.. this IS what is best for these individuals
These are the Tests Allah sends, no matter how much avoidance you try Abdullah and Amina were going to be tested his way
See things as a blessings as a learning experience so…..
Further down the line you are more well equipped and prepared for an even harder test from Allah or you can advise others from your experience
Fixing.. solutions… saving people from trials…
Try to help, try to think of ways to help them, BUT
Also know that Allah has a Plan, the trials they face maybe whats best for them and makes them stronger, so Thank Allah
September 20, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Whatever befalls a believer is best for him.
September 20, 2008 at 2:17 pm
That which does not kill you, only makes you stronger.
September 20, 2008 at 2:19 pm
^ indeed… no doubt about that…
The thing though is… how can we solve this problem or at least minimize it!
but yea… whichever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger
September 20, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Mashallah,
Good Insight Brother Hasan.
Beyhaya also comes to mind now that you mention besharam.
September 20, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Look.
There is no point in asking WHY these things happened. There is no point in trying to rationalize WHY the guy did this or why the girl did this.
The point is, it was a test from Allah.
And most likely, it was their very first test in this category of gender relations.
Sure we’ve been told to stay away from the haram and avoid this kind of communication, but when it ACTUALLY happens, a whole different mindset comes into play.
This is the test. WILL you allow yourself to fail?
Allah is testing you on what you’ve been learning.
Yes, we all usually fail the first test. Yes, we all usually falter.
But you must understand we are only HUMAN.
You must understand that without forgiveness in Islam and without tauba, we would all be going to Hell.
Sure the guy fell for this, sure the girl fell for this. It was MEANT to happen.
For one reason or another, maybe we don’t know. It was all in Allah (SWT)’s Plan.
So once you get knocked down, will you stay on the floor, or get back up?
The only reason we fail tests is for the reason of LEARNING from our mistakes.
We get back up, wipe the dirt off ourselves, and keep going.
Tests are there for a PURPOSE.
It is useless in trying to understand WHY it happened.
The only time that should be spent into it is understanding what decisions you made and WHY you made them.
Were they bad decisions? Then you learn from them.
You learn from them so that NEXT TIME, you don’t continue making the SAME MISTAKE.
Allah will never stop testing a person until he is faced with death. Remember that.
It doesn’t matter what happens to you in this life. What matters is the perspective from which you viewed your test and acted upon it. Surely, those are the people who understand what living in dunya is all about.
These are the people who understand their purpose.
September 20, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Salaam The Anima,
Please refrain from writing such long comments. It hurts the peoples eyes and takes away from the short and sweet comments posted by the likes of Brother Hasan.
September 20, 2008 at 2:30 pm
People are dying, accidents are happening, trials are being thrown at people everyday, ever moment.
Everybody must go through a trial, in order to learn.
Saying you want to minimize this, is like saying you wish you could stop the killing out on the streets. It will continue to happen, whether or not you want it to.
It is their test. They will learn from it.
Failure is a means of learning.
We will plan, and they will plan, but surely Allah is the best of Planners.
We were not made as Angels, we have free will. We mess up, we repent. Allah loves the repenters.
You can’t fix anything. Round up all the 12 year old girls and warn them about their imminent future? Is that how this will be fixed? Teach girls that they need to have more Hayaa? Is that how this will be fixed?
Nothing can fix what Allah has prescribed. A failed test is a blessing in disguise.
September 20, 2008 at 2:34 pm
that isnt true.
Yes you can stop crime and yes you can minimize such incidents.
The key is to have the right attitude… have the proper knowledge on how to approach such issues.. and over all, as i said earlier, communicate with your children about such issues.
Once this line of communication is open, ur child will trust you and they will talk to you… then you have the ultimate chance to correct any wrong behavior and inshaAllah minimize such mistakes.
That doesnt mean that you wont go through a trial.. you will.. the question though is .. how will you react when you face it?!
September 21, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Assalamun Alaaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu
Haytham! Akhee i suggest u delete this post, I dont think it is leading any where!
September 21, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Assalamualaykum,
Why should he delete it Nusaybah? Anyways I just dropped by this blog and this is the second post I read. The post I read before it..actually, watched, was reminding people about the seriousness and close coming of death.
As I read the post and most of the comments, I thought to myself.. When you have death upcoming, really, what is there that can make you so engulfed and upset to such a degree?
After thinking about death, it all just seems..so small
I myself am near marriage and worry about this, but I smack myself silly whenever I think of my grave..
Wasalamualaykum..
September 21, 2008 at 5:08 pm
>>After thinking about death, it all just seems..so small
Though I already knew this… i am left speechless.
September 21, 2008 at 5:18 pm
One last thing…
Observer, I agreed with some of what you said, but wanted to add these few statements:
Perhaps Haytham’s blog is one of Allah’s Plans.
Perhaps parents, unaware of the dangers society inflicts upon their children, will come across this site and learn something.
“Saying you want to minimize this, is like saying you wish you could stop the killing out on the streets. It will continue to happen, whether or not you want it to. ”
Of course you can. One of the smallest acts of charity is removing something harmful from the road. If you see a diant dead deer in the middle of the road, will you swerve to miss it or will you hit it and attribute it to Allah’s plan?
What I’m trying to say is you have to do your part. Everything is under His command and His plan encompasses everything. But that doesn’t mean you don’t do your part to try to make the world a better, more Islamic place.
Wa aakhiru da3waana anilhamdu lillaahi rabbil 3aalameen.
September 21, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Not perhaps, but it is. Everything is of Allah swt’s plans.
But you make really good points there. Everything really does count, no matter how small. And this reminds me of the ayah that says if one saves a soul, it is as if he saved the whole of humanity, and if one kills it unjustly, its as if he has killed the whole of humanity. One small thing, is in reality not small like we may see it to be..
September 22, 2008 at 8:42 pm
FIDEEHA!
What’s that?
Bad rep?
September 22, 2008 at 8:55 pm
It means scandal..
September 23, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Why am I a scandal?
September 23, 2008 at 8:30 pm
LOL…
its not really translated as scandal……
but I guess she didnt like the fact that you told everybody that your wife proposed to you..
September 23, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Considering that she already confessed it on AlMaghrib forums in a poem she wrote over two years ago, it’s not that big a deal
Siraaj
September 25, 2008 at 4:54 am
ahhh truly a seducer made from the same fibers of my heart. Jolly good reading I must say. My advice to the brother, be a little bit more coquettish next time. Be a little bit more bold and she will fall head over heels.
-giacomo de seingalt; don’t call me casanova.
October 14, 2008 at 11:24 am
I couldn’t resist but comment:
so why couldn’t those “pious” brothers simply NOT agree to carry on the conversation and adopt the proper etiquettes upon themselves FIRST before expecting it from their sisters-in-Islam, the “weaker” species (after all men are maintainers of women)!
It is about time that the brothers start taking responsibility of their own “slip” without blaming it on the sisters.
why blame poor sisters if they keep finding so many brothers wasting time on the net and so ready to respond to one simple IM!
October 14, 2008 at 12:32 pm
LOL i am glad you commented
no one is saying that the brother are not guilty here..but from a guy point of view.. the hardest thing we can overcome is to get a girl to “talk” to us… with that being said… once one find a msg or an IM from a girl.. and invitation to talk … we get a little flattered and happy and act like fools and things usually go downhill from there..
but yea your right.. both parties are at fault… but i think that the person who starts (regardless if it was the boy or the girl) is at fault.
November 23, 2008 at 2:38 am
come on fb is not a fitnah people, get a life lol. i mean everything has two sides to it. even internet it fitnah! this world is full of fitnah. it’s how you chose to live that really matters. i h ave a fb account. now does that make me a s**t? ( sorry for using that word but honestly some ppl think that way!) all my *friends* are of the same gender. in fact
the only reason i created an account was to get in touch with my old friends. i’m not addicted to it anyway.
November 23, 2008 at 2:39 am
*choose